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RECAP: Boasting non-stop scares from start to finish, “Hoochie” kicks their annual adventure off with their infamous, brain-splattering shotgun "suicide," and never lets up all the way through to the head-splitting, spinal cord extraction, and murderous chainsaw chase-out! In between, the event is jam-packed with relentless torment and pursuits, as well as controversial, down-right sick, and potentially offensive skits and scenes depicting some of the most horrific scares imaginable. The opening leg is comprised of an overwhelming number of and enormous, animated monsters everywhere you look, hell-bent on destruction, and ranging in scope from monkeys gone wild to an oversized beast devouring the carcasses of barely alive women in various stages of undress, and even an enraged tyrannosaurus, flying pterodactyl, winged devil, newborn hatchlings seen bursting forth from their mama's eggs, and many more animatronic beasts! Ferocious growls accompany their infringements, which are reinforced by frenzied assailants and a deafening soundtrack of unrelenting misery!
Early on, a new, medical mishap scenario showcases a demented doctor battling to save the world from Covid-19, while other enactments return for encore performances including a military helicopter "flying" among the treetops in the midst of a war zone that dumps the path smack-dab in the middle of deadly crossfire, while incoming "missiles" emanating from a P-40, “Tiger Shark” – a WWII “Spitfire, splash aimlessly into surrounding waters, as the massive blades from the downed chopper continue to rotate!
Stumbling onward, a family of in-bred, redneck hillbillies carrying blood-stained axes and knives order, “Get the f*#% out of here!” and “My machete is sharp and ready!” while their sister charges out of an adjacent cornfield onboard a homicidal, harvesting combine! Elusion detours through a lightless maze, then an outdoor storage area, where overhead barrels tumble towards the route, nearly crashing down right on top of us!
The creepiest music ever heard makes your skin crawl as it beckons the course into spooky cemetery, where an immaculate, winged behemoth rises up out of the darkness, and an eternal grave relinquishes an undead corpse! Progressing into an unholy church interrupts an unrighteous ceremonial exorcism being conducted by an immoral priest chaperoned by a convent of ungodly nuns worshiping a fire-lit pentagram!
Sparks fly, a totaled car crashes down from above, and a maniac on a motorcycle speeds into a near-miss hit-and-run within a rusty, old junkyard. Then, several of the site's trademark atrocities are witnessed including, an abhorrent, labor-induced "abortion," followed by a restrained captive suffering the proctology nightmare of being “sodomized” by a massive drill, a sexual deviant frantically engaged in extracurricular activities with a most unfortunate chicken, and the horrifying sight of a jilted lover exalting revenge on her former partner by taking a dagger and performing her very own “penectomy” by savagely cutting off his “manhood!”
An infestation of enormous spiders and snakes and a rapidly spinning vortex precede advancement into a brief entrapment at the hands of the aforementioned skull-splitting, spine extracting maniac, then onto the crash site of Hoochie Airlines Flight 666, where injured passengers struggle to escape the doomed jet's broken fuselage while being stalked by burned stewardesses and the gory, outraged Captain who doesn't care who lives or dies as part of "The Darkest Show on Earth," also known as "The Haunted Hoochie" at Dead Acres!
ANALYSIS: It goes without saying that if you're easily offended, then this isn't the place for you. Dead Acres showcases arguably THE most extensive array of impressive, animated props the industry has to offer! Although cast size is down a bit in comparison to years past, the attractions are still populated by over 70 actors, all on top of their games, and energetically reaching out or down, shouting orders and insults, cursing, and in one way or another violating the space of anyone passing by or getting in their way! Many are armed with various, noise-making weapons of destruction, ranging from chainsaws to spark-emitting grinders, and of course the obligatory, knives, hammers, etc. Soundtrack is the loudest around, and scenes often push the envelope of extreme, exemplified by the “Sledgehammer Abortion, "Sexecutioner" (Penis Amputation), A*s Driller” and outrageous “Chicken F*cker” skits.
Customers aren’t being intentionally touched this year due to necessary coronavirus precautions, but it’s still an action-packed adventure from start to finish like unto no other! Go-go dancers perform from an elevated cage along the VIP entrance, and roaming characters entertain the queue line. Two miniature roller coasters have arrived to compliment last season’s debut of a 1903 Buckeye Lake Ferris Wheel combining to form an opportunistic “Kodak Moment” at "The Haunted Hoochie Amusement Park."
The immense popularity of the event results in extremely long lines, so be prepared. To their credit, they opened right on time on the night of our visit!
If you've never been to Dead Acres, you don't know what you're missing and you owe it to yourself as a haunted attraction enthusiast to pay them a visit! And if you've been here before, then you know we’re right in saying you’re ready to go back through again before you even get out of the parking lot!
From the moment you first set foot inside the door, your heart doesn’t stop racing until you escape that final chainsaw! The attraction has earned OVH’s coveted “Haunt of the Year” award on multiple occasions, and the case can easily be made that all other attractions are competing for second best because this place is truly in a league all by itself!!! NOTHING compares to The Haunted Hoochie!
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