|
RECAP: "The Hoochie" boasts non-stop scares from start to finish beginning with their infamous shotgun "suicide," all the way through to the head-splitting, spinal cord extraction, and "murderous" chainsaw chase-out, along with all the controversial, down-right sick, and potentially offensive skits and scenes in between. The opening leg is jammed full of frenzied characters and enormous, animated monsters everywhere you look! They're loud, and hell-bent on destruction! Recent arrivals include "monkeys gone wild," and yet another oversized beast devouring the carcasses of barely alive women in various stages of undress scattered about its feet! All the favorites are back as well including a flying pterodactyl, enraged tyrannosaurus, and newborn hatchlings seen bursting forth from their mama's eggs! Other returning sights include a helicopter "flying" among the treetops in the midst of a war zone that finds the path wandering into deadly crossfire, while incoming "missiles" splash aimlessly into surrounding waters. The creepiest music ever beckons the course into a spooky cemetery, where an immaculate, winged creature rises up out of the darkness, and an eternal grave relinquishes an undead corpse! Beware of an unholy church that's hosting a most unrighteous ceremony conducted by an immoral priest chaperoned by a sextuplet of ungodly nuns all worshiping a fire-lit pentagram! Sparks fly, a car crashes down from above, and a maniac on a motorcycle speeds into a near-miss hit-and-run in the midst of a rusty old junkyard. The site's trademark induced labor "abortion" scene is back again for 2019, complimented by the return of "a*s driller" and "chicken f*cker," and the debut of a most horrifying captivation spectacle that witnesses a jilted ex yanking off her restrained lover's "manhood!" Progression eventually leads to the crash site of Hoochie Airlines Flight 666 discovering injured passengers unable to escape the doomed jet's broken fuselage, bloody stewardesses staggering about the wreckage, dazed by the tragic "impact," and a gory, outraged Captain who doesn't care who lives or dies as part of "The Darkest Show on Earth!"
ANALYSIS: Dead Acres showcases the most extensive array of impressive, animated props within hundreds of miles! Over a hundred actors populate the attraction as well, all on top of their games - energetically reaching out or down, grabbing, shouting orders and insults, cursing, touching and in one way or another violating the space of passersby! Some rev chainsaws or spark-emitting grinders, others are armed with knives, sledgehammers, and other deadly weapons of choice, while the rest prefer to accost haunt enthusiasts with their bare hands! Yes, this is a "touch haunt." But they do so in moderation, intent on providing the best possible scares without going overboard to the point that someone could actually get hurt. Multiple chainsaws are in use, and they'll be rubbed against your legs, or maybe along your back. Scenes push the envelope of extreme, exemplified by the new "penis amputation" segment, and cross-dressing nun asking, "Don't you like my boobies?!," and so on. The course has been somewhat simplified in places this year with the removal of "treehouse rockin', don't come knockin'," and the shelving (at least for this year) of multiple OVH award-winning "clown beheading" and similar time-consuming skits in order to improve upon throughput. While these changes pave the way for smaller groups, and thus a better overall customer experience, duration suffers in consequence. Evenso, there's no shortage of thrills! Speaking of which, go-go girls are back entertaining the queue line from an elevated cage along the VIP entrance, and a 1903 Ferris Wheel formerly from Buckeye Lake has arrived making for an opportunistic "Kodak Moment" at "The Haunted Hoochie Amusment Park."
If you've never been to Dead Acres you don't know what you're missing! GO!! If you've been here before, you already know you want to go back... and go back again... and AGAIN!!! And it goes without saying that if you're easily offended, then this isn't the place for you. From the moment you first set foot inside the door, your heart won't stop racing until you escape that final chainsaw! NOTHING compares to "The Haunted Hoochie!" This place is truly in a league all by itself!
|
