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RECAP: The Haunted Hoochie at Dead Acres grabs hold of you the moment you step inside the door with an immediate, blood-splattering, shotgun “suicide“ that sets off some pushing and shoving, as well as an attack from behind by a previously unseen, chainsaw-wielding maniac who gives chase through an array of coffins that finding “corpses” rising up out of their caskets grabbing at guests desperately trying to make their way through. A hooded hanging leads to ghouls throwing pies in your face as the walkway passes through a burning archway into assaults from both live and mechanical monkeys!
The Headless Horseman and a large, skeletal creature having giant claws and a skull that hangs down between his legs guard entrance to The Asylum, where crazed lunatics reach out of windows, and the red-eyed “Snaps” seizes intruders passing through her sacred chambers!
The adventure continues past a giant, winged-tooth beast hoovering over two half-naked women barely clinging to life, then it’s into "Monster Palooza," highlighted by an enraged tyrannosaurus rex; a flying pterodactyl; and newborn, blue-eyed hatchlings bursting forth from their eggs, along with an army of similar, massive, animatronic behemoths hell-bent on destruction! A czar-like character armed with a deadly spear overlooks the area as the frenzied ride continues with a ball-breaking, She-devil “castration;” the legendary clown beheading; and out into the battleground of a combat-laden war zone! Gunfire rings out as a helicopter "flies" above the treetops and incoming “missiles from a WWII P-40 tiger shark splash aimlessly into surrounding waters! Soldiers come charging out of a wrecked ambulance pointing their guns, and grabbing civilians ordering, “Keep your f*cking mouth shut!” and “Nobody Move!”
Fleeing lands the excursion in the midst of brand new “Exorcist” scene, witnessing the possessed Regan levitating off a bed while verbally chastising a papal, mitre-hatted priest, calling him father, but snarling insults at the undeserving clergyman! Ghouls attack out of refrigerators and out of an old shack as an irate girl reaches down out of rafters, and a taunting goon laughs wickedly bragging, “I put her up in the attic and I’m keeping her!” Then, it’s onto a lethal ambush at the hands of a fiend in a Jason Voorhees mask holding the guts from a recent victim, and demanding, “Put them in your f'n mouths!”
Atrocities escalate through an “Under The Sea” adventure ruled by a pair of man-eating sharks complete with a life-sized, submersible submarine; the captain of the S.S. Satanic rowboat threatening, “I’m gonna gut your ass like a fish!” as he snatches and strangles anyone that happens to be “floating” by; and a beautiful, enticing mermaid pulling you down to a watery grave!
Up next comes is a life-threatening junkyard, where barrels suddenly come tumbling down from above; imprisoned vixens blast sparks out of their entrapments; an ungodly cemetery, where the most spine-chilling music summons undead corpses to rise out of surrounding graves; a run in with a revved-up, spinning combine operated by a cynical phantom, hell-bent on destruction; and a clash with the “Hog Queen” alongside a couple of snorting, p*ssed-off, sharp- toothed porkers!
Skeleton-lined corridors escort the route into conflicts with a blonde bombshell slicing a captive’s throat and licking his blood off her murderous knife; the infamous “Demon Childbirth” abortion; sheep “shagger;” chicken f*cker; a hit-and-run truck; and the brand new, “High Striker” carnival game with a cheerleader seated up on top of the attraction with her legs spread, and a strongman swinging a sledgehammer to ring her bell causing blood to gush down from her “vagina!”
Entering an unrighteous church interrupts a most unholy ceremony hosted by a devilish priest and an entourage of immoral nuns that force parishioners to kneel and repent for their sins beneath a fire-lit pentagram while a dominatrix sister makes use of a whip to instill a little “posterior pleasure!” Following invitations to attend the Jesus “after party,” distempered brutes encourage advancement past villainesses challenging with knives and electric power drills, directly into the path of a near-miss “Wipeout” courtesy of a madman they call Grandpa riding a runaway motorcycle!
It's not over yet, as spider and snake infestations point the way into a spinning vortex and a gruesome battle with a merciless killer that slices the face off of a helplessly-restrained subject using a chainsaw! From there, navigation through the crashed wreckage of Hoochie Airlines Flight 666 discovers injured passengers littering the broken fuselage, bloody stewardesses barking, “Get off of my plane, mother f*ckers!” and a gory pilot abandoning his demolished cockpit! Departure through a brief casket maze provokes the wrath of the sinister, purple-haired clown, “Skitz,” who unleashes a relentless chainsaw chase-out of The Haunted Hoochie at Dead Acres!
ANALYSIS: "The Darkest Show on Earth" returns to defend its 2023 OVH Haunt of the Year Title – an award they’ve practically owned! Setting new limits and raising the bar by boasting some of the sickest, goriest, controversial, most twisted, and potentially offensive skits around, The Haunted Hoochie stands alone with the largest assortment of animatronic monsters combined with the most populated cast of enraged characters the industry has to offer! Dead Acres creates what can only be called the haunt house experience of a lifetime!
Cast is armed and dangerous, viciously pushing, shoving, grabbing, and rubbing chainsaws up and down your legs, etc., and they aren't easily discouraged! Loud, heinous sounds persist through the entirety of the journey! Everything is appropriately lit, and scenes are realistically constructed, while pushing the envelope of extreme! They proudly became the first-ever interactive attraction making customers feel like they’re a part of the action with many up-close-and-personal, in-your-face experiences!
Touching seems a bit more aggressive this season, even a little too rough at times. Character interaction is unlimited from start to finish, and dialogue is improved as well.
Go-go dancers perform from an elevated cage along the VIP entrance, while a roaming, orange-haired clown and various other creatures of the night entertain not only the queue line, but the entire grounds the moment you first arrive on the property and make your way to the ticket windows. From a demented Santa Claus, to a near-naked banjo player, to more clowns, sinful nuns, chainsaw assailants, and other unimaginable characters drenched in “blood,” they aim to make lasting impressions by giving you something to remember them by! The site is also complimented by a pair of miniature roller coasters, and the 1903 Buckeye Lake Ferris Wheel at “The Haunted Hoochie Amusement Park.” While their presence is for display purposes only, they provide a number of additional photo ops for customers interested in taking home some additional memories.
New “Exorcist” and High Striker scenes debut this year and fit right in with the preexisting collection of abominations! Sacrilegious church with evil-minded nuns continues to rank among the best and skits are all executed to perfection. Stand out actors are just too many to name. Nearly all do a fabulous job!
Dead Acres is open Thursday through Saturday, September 19th through November 2nd . Cost of general admission has been raised $5 and is now priced at $35 on Fridays and Saturdays ($60 for VIP, which reflects a $10 price hike). A $5 discount is offered on Thursdays. Online ticket purchases are subject to a $1.75 service charge and a 3% credit card fee. Parking costs $5.
As good as this place may sound from the above review; it's billions of times better in person! Mere words can’t do it justice. You just have to see it to believe it! OVH's "Haunt of the Year" the last three years running, the venue looks for a “grand slam” in 2024! Truly in a league of its own, NOTHING compares to The Haunted Hoochie, The WORLD's Most Extreme Haunted House!
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