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RECAP: "The Darkest Show on Earth" is back to defend its OVH Haunt of the Year Title with a vengeance! Highlighted by some of the goriest, sickest, most twisted, and potentially offensive skits around, The Haunted Hoochie stands alone with bigger animatronics, more actors and non-stop, terrifying action!
The assault on the senses begins with a blood-spattering shotgun "suicide" that kicks off a frantic adventure that doesn't let up until you escape the very last chainsaw! The wild ride is on as frenzied characters come out of hiding and emerge from inside coffins! Atrocities include a diabolical doctor conducting a brutal, C-section "abortion;" a ball-breaking "castration;" the legendary clown "beheading;" a blonde bombshell slicing her jilted lover’s throat with a huge butcher knife, then licking his “blood” off the blade; the infamous sledgehammer, demon "childbirth;" the notorious "chicken f*cker" now appearing with his long-lost cousin, "sheep f*cker;" and a gruesome chainsaw decapitation! New scenes include an elaborate, fog and mist filled “underwater” adventure ruled by man-eating, great white sharks, and complete with a life-sized submersible (submarine) as well as a giant clam whose pearl turns out to be a beautiful, enticing mermaid; and the scandalous “hog queen” seated on a throne guarded by a pair of p*ssed off porkers by her side!
The attraction is non-stop action from beginning to end - from "Apes Gone Wild," to an oversized beast devouring the carcasses of barely alive women in various stages of undress, to "monster-palooza" that's highlighted by a flying pterodactyl, enraged tyrannosaurus, and newborn, blue-eyed hatchlings bursting forth from their eggs, along with an army of similar massive animatronic behemoths hell-bent on destruction!
Asylum girls attack from all sides, grabbing, reaching, pulling, and pushing everyone in their sight! Outside, the course stumbles into the midst of a combat-laden war zone, complete with gunfire, a helicopter "flying" above the treetops, and incoming "missiles" from a WWII P-40 tiger shark splashing aimlessly into surrounding waters! You'll witness living statue and bearskin rug surprises, as well as infuriated assailants clawing out of drop panels, and popping out of refrigerators and the murderous attack at the hands of "Scarecrow Grim," who slams a bloody axe right into the chest of some unsuspecting sap, rips his guts out, and demands onlookers to put the bloody intestines, “in their f'n mouths!”
Still to come is a life-threatening junkyard, where barrels suddenly tumble down from above; imprisoned vixens blast sparks out of their entrapments; an ungodly cemetery where the most unnerving music summons undead bodies to rise out of surrounding graves to retrieve the living down into their earthen tombs; a giant, flying, red-eyed grim reaper, and multiple chainsaw assaults! Skeleton-lined corridors soon connect to an unrighteous church interrupting a most unholy ceremony hosted by a devilish priest and an entourage of irate, immoral nuns all joined in unison to worship a fire-lit pentagram!
It's not over yet, as the course progresses into a second deadly junkyard, where distempered brutes manhandle trespassers directly into the path of a near-miss "wipeout" courtesy of a maniac on a runaway motorcycle they affectionately refer to as "Grandpa!" Spider and snake infestations; a spinning vortex; and a homicidal combine/harvester assault stand in the way of the crashed wreckage of Hoochie Airlines Flight 666 that discovers injured passengers littering the broken fuselage, bloody stewardesses stalking the now-relinquished window seats, and a gory pilot abandoning his demolished cockpit! Departure into an upright casket maze unleashes a clown led, multiple chainsaw chase-out of The Haunted Hoochie at Dead Acres!
ANALYSIS: Loud, heinous sounds, the largest assortment of animatronic monsters, and the most populated cast of enraged characters the industry has to offer compliment what can only be called the haunt experience of a lifetime! Cast is armed and dangerous as they viciously push, shove, grab, and rub chainsaws up and down your legs (or someplace more important), and they aren't easily discouraged! Skits and scenes push the envelope of extreme, and the attraction's unequaled props are always in working order! Touching is a bit more aggressive this season, but doesn't go overboard as might be the case at attractions that thrive on this element alone! Dialogue is a bit limited, but there isn’t much of an opportunity for it considering the panic-stricken pace of the environment.
Go-go dancers perform from an elevated cage along the VIP entrance, while a roaming, orange-haired clown, Santa, and various other creatures of the night entertain the queue line. A pair of miniature roller coasters and the 1903 Buckeye Lake Ferris Wheel combine to provide seasonal photo ops outside "The Haunted Hoochie Amusement Park." As good as it may sound from the above review; it's a million times better in person! Words don’t do it justice. You just have to see it to believe it! OVH's 2021 and 2022 "Haunt of the Year" has captured the coveted award on multiple occasions and is looking for a “three-peat!” Truly in a league of its own, NOTHING compares to The Haunted Hoochie!
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