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RECAP: Step right up! "The Darkest Show on Earth" is about to begin, and does so in traditional fashion with their renowned, blood-spattering shotgun “suicide,” kicking off a frantic adventure that doesn’t let up until you escape the very last chainsaw! The chase is on, as frenzied characters emerge from coffins and an onslaught of gigantic, animated monsters spring into action! A series of sick, twisted and potentially offensive skits are showcased along the way including the debut of a diabolical doctor utilizing a metal coat hanger to perform a vicious C-section “abortion;” a ball-breaking "castration;" their legendary clown "beheading;" and a girl cutting her victim’s throat, then licking his blood off the knife! There’s also the infamous sledge hammer "childbirth," a “Baptism” gone wrong, and the notorious “chicken f*cker” going absolutely berserk, as well as a gruesome chainsaw "decapitation!" Other scenes include “Apes Gone Wild,” an oversized beast devouring the carcasses of barely alive women in various stages of undress, and “monster-palooza” that’s highlighted by a flying pterodactyl, enraged tyrannosaurus, newborn, blue-eyed hatchlings bursting forth from their eggs, and an army of similar massive animatronics hell-bent on destruction!
Venturing outside stumbles into the midst of a war zone, complete with gunfire, a helicopter "flying" above the treetops, and incoming "missiles" from a WWII P-40 tiger shark splashing aimlessly into surrounding waters! You’ll also witness living statue and bearskin rug surprises, as well as infuriated assailants clawing out of drop panels, one upside down, and a murderous attack at the hands of “Scarecrow Grim,” who thrusts a bloody axe right into the chest of some unsuspecting sap, rips out his guts, and demands bystanders to, “Take a bite!” Then comes a weapon slinging succubus brutally inquiring, “Who wants a machete up the ass?!”
A dark casket maze connects to a graveyard of trucks, where a wretched gal ferociously encourages passersby into harm’s way, as barrels come toppling down from above in advance of an all-out chainsaw ambush, and a grave digger waving a shovel over his head before slamming it into the ground while asking, “Who wants to be buried alive?” Undead bodies rise out of surrounding graves, attempting to grab and pull the living down into their earthen tombs! From here, skeleton-lined corridors soon connect to an unholy church interrupting a most unrighteous ceremony hosted by an ungodly priest and an entourage of dejected, immoral nuns all worshiping a fire-lit pentagram!
It’s not over yet, as the course progresses into an abandoned junkyard, where distempered brutes manhandle trespassers into the path of a near-miss hit-and-run courtesy of a maniac on a motorcycle they affectionately refer to as “Grandpa!” Infestations of spiders and snakes are still to come, as is a devilish apparition, spinning vortex, homicidal combine assault, imprisoned vixens blasting sparks out of their entrapments, and the crashed wreckage of Hoochie Airlines Flight 666 that discovers injured passengers littering the broken fuselage, bloody stewardesses stalking the now-relinquished window seats, and a gory pilot abandoning his cockpit, prior to departure into a multiple chainsaw chase-out of The Haunted Hoochie at Dead Acres! ]=
ANALYSIS: Mere words can’t even begin to describe this place! As good as it may sound from the above recap; it’s millions of times better in person! Loud, heinous sounds compliment the experience that’s anchored by the largest assortment of animatronic monsters and the most populated cast of violent characters the industry has to offer. They’re armed and dangerous, aggressively pushing, shoving, grabbing, rubbing chainsaws up and down your legs, or someplace more important, and aren’t easily discouraged! Skits and scenes push the envelope of extreme from the shotgun “suicide” to an “abortion, childbirth," and “beheadings,” and the attraction’s unequaled props are always in working order! Touching is aggressive, but doesn’t go overboard as might be the case at attractions that thrive on this element alone.
Go-go dancers perform from an elevated cage along the VIP entrance, while a roaming clown entertains the queue line. A pair of miniature roller coasters and the 1903 Buckeye Lake Ferris Wheel combine to provide photo ops outside "The Haunted Hoochie Amusement Park." OVH’s 2021 “Haunt of the Year” has captured that coveted award on multiple occasions and is back with a fury to defend its championship. This place is truly in a league of its own! NOTHING compares to The Haunted Hoochie!
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